chắc lớn rồi, hay mệt mỏi
nên không bị thu hút bởi những nhân vật phản diện nữa.

sometimes i want to go home, but there's noone home for me.

Bây giờ anh chẳng còn là người em từng yêu nữa

Mà sao em cứ mơ mãi nhữnc giấc mình quay lại với nhau làm gì. 

sometimes i think of when you've complained about your friends changing,
it's not like you stay exactly the same either -
if you did i'd still in love with you
if you did i'd always be in love with you

after a series of confusing unfortunate events, you agreed to get back together but -
you gave me a list of things i need to do and be once we're back together again
so
i said no and left
forever.

00:54 - khóc trên giường lần nth.

Dịu dàng như một cô bé yêu thương một cậu bé, thế thôi. 

please let me

be secretly in love with you
for the rest of my life.

I dreamt you carried me home last night. 

please let nothing change and let me do it secretly for the rest of my life.

i've never written such nervous, selfish words in my life.

i am so confused since when did i despise the idea and notion of romance so much i hate seeing it hearing about it having it in anyway related to me
i don't fucking want someone to tell me about the absence of my lips or whispers sweet nothings into my ear please just stop i want someone to hold my feet up because that's how i relax and wash my hair when i'm sleepy.

bây giờ tao vấy bẩn rồi, làm sao dám chạm vào người việt hà nữa.

And yet you make fun of the idea of me falling for you again like some kind of joke.
which it must be for you, and a punishment for me.






edit:
it must be hilarious, that my heart beats so hard it's hardly contained in my chest anymore.


edit 2:
come to think of it i don't even know why you used to love me in the first place i wouldn't if i were you.


bây giờ làm gì còn đường để mà tìm về nữa.

Everytime I see you, you happen to me all over again. 

v: so. did you feel anything?
t: him? i don't think i'll ever not feel anything.

this is my secret place now.

“I keep thinking about this river somewhere, with the water moving really fast. And these two people in the water, trying to hold onto each other, holding on as hard as they can, but in the end it’s just too much. The current’s too strong. They’ve got to let go, drift apart. That’s how it is with us. It’s a shame, Kath, because we’ve loved each other all our lives.”

- Kazuo Ishiguro : Never Let Me Go

973 days.

“I’m in love with you because you make me feel safe. It sounds corny and vague. People always talk about feeling safe with someone and you wonder what it even means. I still don’t really know. All I know is that when I’m with you, I feel like I’m clutching a giant thing of pepper spray or reliving a moment of being carried to bed by my parents when I was five years old and fell asleep in front of the television. All day long, I can feel fragile, like a raw nerve, and when I come home to you, it’s like I just put on the thickest winter coat and installed bulletproof windows in my apartment. ‘Honey, I’m home…and no longer terrified.’

— Ryan O’Connell, This is Why I’m in Love With You

so very long ago

dreamth*

i semi woke up at night going ; these fingers aren't long and thin and tender enough they're not the beautiful creatures that once walked my skin

and then i tried to show you the box where i kept all your memories but i had was a smaller version of it and it was missing and i wanted to scream.

you said at some point you'd send me a postcard so i could get a sample of your handwriting

that never happened.

em muốn được buồn và hút thuốc quá.

dreams telling me

what has our life come to, but this pathetic mundane mess?

and i could sense it all along.

thanks for making it easier for me.

to get over you.
in the end, i guess it was the you that i first met, the idea of you that i could never get over. the you now? i don't even know.
-
oh what the hell
i guess the you that i fell in love with, i will always hold a special place in my heart for
and nobody can ever take that away
even you.

i've mis-predicted the end of my torture.

khi người ta yêu nhau nhiều và yêu nhau lâu như thế, lúc không còn yêu nhau nữa thì tình yêu đấy ở đâu.
nó đi đâu.
cất nó ở đâu.
giấu nó ở đâu.

i feel like this could be the last thing i have to say

“All I’d wanted to be when I grew up was yours.”

— Eireann Corriga

i still dream of you frequently,
there's just nothing left to be said about it anymore.

i hope your'e completely over me now

while i lay in his bed at night, silently crying to the thought of hearing you say my name.

• Ngoc B Le  I thought I would love waking up next to somebody. Truth is, I guess for everybody, you only want to wake up next to the one you love. 
  Tram Phuong Nguyen i don't really like to admit or realize things like that.

at midnight, everything felt wrong, everyone else felt wrong. so i packed my bags and flew back. and everyone we knew spat at me. all i wanted was to come to yours and say sorry. i didn't know what else to do.

so i woke up.

i had the longest and most complete dream of us back together.
but i woke up and forgot everything.

i never said to love you forever, but i did say to tell you if i stopped. one day i will. i will find you and tell you i am no longer in love with you.

it's funny how i'm doing the exact same thing i did 5 years ago reading our old conversations except now i'm the one full of regret.

You'll always be my one great love.

this is turning into a pathetic dream diary. but what the fuck. there is not a single day that i don't think of you. i saw someone new. your someone new. but  then you forgave me. people who are meant to be together will always find eventually find each other in the end.

i keep dreaming of you. it gets worse everyday. 

'Young love eventually dies because, like a prairie fire, it devours everything in its path until there’s nothing left. And then there’s no more of this “I can’t get enough of you” feeling, because as it turns out, you can. You get enough of everyone and everything after your heart’s been incinerated because it makes you realize you alone are exactly enough. This is liberating but it also kind of sucks.

No one tells you that you’ll get tired of love. No one tells you that no matter how happy you are in your relationship, occasionally you’ll wish you had only yourself to take care of again.

Or that every now and then you’ll find yourself incredibly attracted to someone else, the way their hair falls or the way they form their sentences, and no matter how much you love your partner you’ll suddenly want them so bad you start to feel nauseous. Of course you won’t do anything about it but you’ll know you had the thought and you’ll hate yourself for it just the tiniest bit.'

i got lost on the way. i'm so lost. i wish there was a way for you to take me home.

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again
 Whenever I'm alone with you
 You make me feel like I am young again

i can't imagine a day when the invisible thread is cut and we're completely disconnected forever.
but who are you now.

dreams part four

1802, 29t1

part five
i even wrote this in my dream it was long and restless and i couldn't remember most of it except
the last line vaguely said you turned your head around with such disdain, no words or anything while i was standing next to my second floor window watching the sunset before the house was rebuilt and we met for the first time.

how many drunken nights
heartstopping songs
stumbling between strangers eyes and arms
intoxicated

to realize i've lost everything that means anything to me?

i hear you're skinny now,
with hair,
long -
hanging over your face
like when i first met you, the only hair
that i ever liked.

how can you feel a gush of familiarity for a face you haven't seen, that
you probably won't ever see again.

you are everywhere today -
in the film at the cinema,
a cannonball on the sidebar of the internet,
in the speech of another stranger walking next to me.

at night i was feverish and i dreamt of following you and the traces
of you -
of finally gathering up my courage to listen to our song but
i could never catch you you always left and when i arrived
you were never there.

how to love your depressed lover.

Last night I thought I kissed

the loneliness from out your belly button.
I thought I did, but later you sat up,
all bones and restless hands, and told me 
there is a knot in your body that I cannot undo.

I never know what to say to these things.
“It’s okay.” “Come back to bed.”
“Please don’t go away again.”

Sometimes you are gone for days at a time
and it is all I can do not to call the police,
file a missing person’s report, even though 
you are right there, still sleeping next to me
in bed. But your eyes are like an empty house 
in winter: lights left on to scare away intruders.

Except in this case I am the intruder and you
are already locked up so tight that no one
could possibly jimmy their way in.

Last night I thought I gave you a reason 
not to be so sad when I held your body like 
a high note and we both trembled from the effort.

Some people, though, are sad against all reason,
all sensibility, all love. I know better now.
I know what to say to the things you admit to me
in the dark, all bones and restless hands. 

“It’s okay.” “You can stay in bed.”
“Please come back to me again.”

why am i here. how did i get here.

reoccuring dreams

you're there, in the corner of the room, of which i can't bear to turn my head up to look at.

áo con mèo.

i still dream of you,
still as clear as if it was only yesterday. that in the colour of my guilt, i tell you if you touch me i will die. i will evaporate from condensed feelings that i can no longer tell anybody and i will die.

in this sense i have nothing to complain about.
say whatever you want, whatever you think i deserve. but that's just how it goes, things happen, time happens, life happens, other people happens. it was what it was. and it is what it is.

funny how when something like this happens to me,
i neither freak out nor lose respect, i just weep until my love dissolves.

i will try to protect my image of you and respect the you i remember and loved.

Don't touch me. I will die if you touch me.

 - Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita