“I cannot make you understand. I cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me. I cannot even explain it to myself.”

—

Franz Kafka you may hate me, not willing to forgive me in this life and all the others after that and never talk to me again, but i still think what i think and will only have the same answer. i never lied, i was confused and did not have an answer. i don't think that's wrong, to be confused, to not know what to say, to have no explanation for having done something wrong. and i still think what i think, we all deserve to be happy, even if it's not with each other.

i realized i'm only twenty. please let me live selfishly. so should you. you will thank me one day.
we all deserve to be happy, even if it's not with each other.
you're only young, so live for yourself. don't waste it with plans and stability. live selfishly. we have time for mistakes.

201112

Because we are young and have time for mistakes.

lại như ở tuổi 16,
một mình, ngơ ngác
chưa bao giờ có anh trong đời.

9.8.2012

[09/08/2012 10:28:59] *Chong Beo: thoi dung co den nha nua
[09/08/2012 10:29:03] *Chong Beo: kho chiu lam

besides, i have no right to feel heartbroken right?

to the only one who could make me the happiest of happy and the saddest of sads of all the love i lost and of something you used to not be able to live without to be now so strange to have a chunk of life evaporate in the blink of an eye to see funny how things turn out despite all the things we said.


I wish you bluebirds in the Spring
To give your heart a song to sing
And then a kiss, but more than this, I wish you love

And in July a lemonade
To cool you in some leafy glade
I wish you health, but more than wealth, I wish you love

My breaking heart and I agree
That you and I could never ever be
So with my best, my very best, I set you free

I wish you shelter from the storm
A cozy fire to keep you warm
But most of all, When snowflakes fall, I wish you love

But most of all, When snow flakes fall
I wish you love

5 years later i still cry to the same song

for a different reason.

Well I held you like a lover
Happy hands and your elbow in the appropriate place

And we ignored our others, happy plans
For that delicate look upon your face

Our bodies moved and hardened
Hurting parts of your garden
With no room for a pardon
In a place where no one knows what we have done

Do you come
Together ever with him?
And is he dark enough?
Enough to see your light?
And do you brush your teeth before you kiss?
Do you miss my smell?
And is he bold enough to take you on?
Do you feel like you belong?
And does he drive you wild?
Or just mildly free?
What about me?

Well you held me like a lover
Sweaty hands
And my foot in the appropriate place

And we use cushions to cover
Happy glands
In the mild issue of our disgrace

Our minds pressed and guarded
While our flesh disregarded
The lack of space for the light-hearted
In the boom that beats our drum

Well I know I make you cry
And I know sometimes you wanna die
But do you really feel alive without me?
If so, be free
If not, leave him for me
Before one of us has accidental babies
For we are in love

Do you come
Together ever with him?
Is he dark enough?
Enough to see your light?
Do you brush your teeth before you kiss?
Do you miss my smell?
And is he bold enough to take you on?
Do you feel like you belong?
And does he drive you wild?
Or just mildly free?

What about me?
What about me?

-
'we are meant to lose people we love. otherwise, how else can we know how much we love them?'
(the curious case of benjamin button)

Before you ask about my lightning mouth,
understand, I might have been a summer,
though I told like a hand,
though I told like a hammer.
and my demons never were ironic.

I was too possible, like death, like the world isn’t.
Lethargic warrior, you didn’t want an other,
you wanted a desert.

Before you ask about the love-struck bell,
think of all the stairs we had to climb,
the heaviness of iron, but how
once we got it going,
we left the ground, we flew.

Time made me soft around the edges, fog-throated,
an October patois, and though I betrayed you
I never was untrue.

Before you ask about the mercury and needles
understand, I’m talking about weather, how
the wind is always moving on
and snow becomes
salt, burning in my hands.

Your angels were faithless, lines of light dividing
air and dust. Transparent—you, the future,
most of all, your disappointment.

Before you ask what I mean by disappointment
understand, those were butter days,
of heat and sweet corn,
nights of loose horses running through us,
the shine of their silken knees.

Susan Elbe, Once Not, Now Broken

tôi có một người tình, không cẩn thận đánh rơi mất rồi.
would you still want to go to kindergarden with me?

what do i do with dark blue?
i'm too scared to smell it again, and don't have the heart to put it away.